Single Is Not A Curse by Tony A. Gaskins

Author:Tony A. Gaskins
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2013-11-08T00:00:00+00:00

What You

Need To

Know About

Love

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! We all want true love, and we all need true love. True love finds us when we truly begin to love ourselves. You have read up to this point about how to truly love yourself, and now it is important to learn exactly what love is.

I travel the country every month to speak about love and relationships. I often ask members of my audience to raise their hands if they believe that love is pain. It never fails; at least half of the room raises their hands. I once thought that love was pain, too. That was my perception because that is what I had seen my whole life. I saw women being abused by their men. I saw men being abused by their women. I saw a lot of tears in relationships. I saw a lot of breakups. I saw a lot of sorrow and heartache. I thought that these were all aspects of “love.” Then I realized about three years into my marriage that although pain is a part of many relationships, it is not actually a part of love.

I discovered that love has nothing to do with pain, and pain has nothing to do with love. We often call it “love” when we are in relationships, but just because you can have a relationship does not automatically mean you have love. There are many loveless relationships, and the people involved in them don’t even know it. They get hurt in these relationships, and that is why they say love is pain. In actuality, the relationship is pain because neither party knows real love. Love is pure! Love is unselfish. Love understands. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is forgiving. Love is giving. Love is selfless. Love is enduring. Love is sacrifice. Love is compromise. At no time does love equate with pain. Some people venture as far as to compare it to losing a loved one to death or to Jesus dying on the cross. I am neither referring to that type of love nor that type of pain. My point is in reference to the love that exists inside of an intimate relationship.

Many men drag pain into the love because they have never experienced real love. Many of us were raised around pimp-minded, abusive or cold men. Many of us were raised in environments that were so cold; we never learned how to be warm. So we enter into relationships and try to dominate women like we try to dominate in our sports. We try to control women because we are unable to control ourselves. We try to rule women but lack understanding of what really goes into the concept of leadership. We assume leadership is a dictatorship, when actually, it is service. We think that we are supposed to lead by force, when in actuality we are supposed to lead by example. We fail to realize that our greatest strength is in our gentleness. What’s worse is that we have not learned how to balance the lion and the lamb cohabitating inside of us.

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